When Thoughts Feel Scary or Out of Control
Intrusive thoughts can feel alarming, confusing, or even shameful—but they are far more common than most people realize.
At The Well: Family Support, we believe in removing the stigma and helping individuals face these experiences with clarity, compassion, and self-kindness.
Understanding the Nature of Thoughts
Before learning how to manage intrusive thoughts, it helps to understand what thoughts actually are.
Every thought is shaped by mood, memory, past experiences, and perception. They’re not facts—they’re mental events.
Some thoughts are joyful or exciting (“I can’t wait for my vacation!”), others are neutral, and some feel distressing. Most thoughts pass quickly. But the uncomfortable ones tend to stick around—especially when we attach meaning to them based on fear or self-doubt.
What Are Intrusive Thoughts?
Intrusive thoughts are sudden, unwanted mental images or ideas that can feel disturbing or out of character. Nearly everyone experiences them from time to time—like a fleeting urge to shout in a quiet room or a passing thought of, “What if I swerved into traffic?”
Common themes may include:
- Fear of harming yourself or others (even accidentally)
- Upsetting or taboo sexual or violent images
- Thoughts that contradict your values or beliefs
It’s important to remember: intrusive thoughts do not reflect your intentions or character.
They often feel distressing precisely because they conflict with who you are.
Why Do Intrusive Thoughts Linger?
Intrusive thoughts often stick around because we react with fear, guilt, or avoidance. When we try to fight or suppress them, they gain more power.
They don’t persist because they’re true—they persist because we fear what they might mean.
How to Cope with Intrusive Thoughts
1. Separate Thought from Fact
A thought is just that—a thought. It’s not evidence, not intention, and not a prediction.
Remind yourself: “This is uncomfortable, but it’s not dangerous.”
2. Recognize the Difference Between Thoughts and Actions
Having a disturbing thought does not mean you’ll act on it.
Intrusive thoughts often run counter to your values, which is why they feel so distressing.
3. Build Distress Tolerance
Instead of resisting thoughts, practice sitting with them safely.
Learning to tolerate discomfort reduces their power over time.
Try these grounding tools:
- Name the Emotion: Notice where you feel it—jaw tension, racing heart, clenched hands.
- Practice Non-Judgment: Don’t label thoughts as “bad” or “wrong.” They’re signals, not facts.
- Use Visualization: Picture your thoughts as clouds drifting by or leaves floating on a stream.
- Ground in the Present: Remind yourself, “I’m here, safe, and breathing.”
Key Reminders for Your Journey
Intrusive Thoughts ≠ Your Identity
- These thoughts do not define you.
- They are temporary and do not reflect your morals or desires.
- You are not alone in experiencing them.
Self-Compassion Over Shame
- Treat yourself with gentleness instead of judgment.
- Ask: “If a friend told me this, how would I respond?” Then offer yourself the same kindness.
- Healing begins with grace, not guilt.
Rebuilding Self-Trust
- Trust grows through small, intentional steps.
- Choose actions that align with your values, even when you feel uncertain.
- Accountability fosters growth—self-punishment does not.
Grounding Techniques for Intrusive Thoughts
5-4-3-2-1 Exercise
- Name 5 things you can see
- 4 things you can touch
- 3 things you can hear
- 2 things you can smell
- 1 thing you can taste
Deep Breathing
Inhale for 4 counts, hold for 4, exhale for 4. Repeat until your body begins to settle.
The Power of Self-Forgiveness
Mistakes, intrusive thoughts, and emotional struggles don’t make you unworthy of care.
Forgiveness isn’t approval—it’s permission to move forward and grow.
You are not your thoughts—you are the observer of them.
The fact that your intrusive thoughts bother you says more about your integrity and values than the content of the thoughts themselves.
Need Support?
If you’re struggling with intrusive thoughts, help is available. You don’t have to navigate this alone.
At The Well: Family Support, our therapists provide trauma-informed care for anxiety, OCD, and intrusive thoughts with compassion and evidence-based techniques.
Visit thewellms.org to learn more about therapy for anxiety and intrusive thoughts.
This article is for educational purposes and not a substitute for professional care. If you’re in crisis, please contact a mental health professional or local helpline.
References
American Psychiatric Association. (2022). Diagnostic and statistical manual of mental disorders (5th ed., text rev.; DSM-5-TR). American Psychiatric Publishing.
Clark, D. A. (2005). Cognitive-behavioral therapy for OCD. Guilford Press.
Rachman, S. (1997). A cognitive theory of obsessions. Behaviour Research and Therapy, 35(9), 793–802. https://doi.org/10.1016/S0005-7967(97)00040-5
Wegner, D. M. (1994). Ironic processes of mental control. Psychological Review, 101(1), 34–52. https://doi.org/10.1037/0033-295X.101.1.34
Williams, M. T. (2021). The unapologetic guide to Black mental health. New Harbinger Publications.
